As I celebrate the last few weeks of this year with family and friends, I can't help but look back at the past year in amazement. Life has been such a roller coaster of events, excitement, loneliness, adventure, joy, challenges, gratitude, love and much, much more- but most of all growth. Through it all the thought that my identity is found in something greater than myself has been my anchor. My prayer is that my need for control, order, and sense will never take away from the work God delights in doing in each and every one of us.

With that said, here is an excerpt by C.S. Lewis I recently came across:

"Your real, new self (which is Christ's and also yours, and yours just because it is His) will not come as long as you are looking for it. It will come when you are looking for Him. Does that sound strange? The same principle holds, you know for more everyday matters. Even in social life, you will never make a good impression on other people until you stop thinking about what sort of impression you are making. Even in literature and art, a man who bothers about originality will ever be original whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it. The principle runs through all life from top to bottom. Give up yourself, and you will find your real self. Lose your life and you will save it. Submit to death, death of your ambitions and favourite wishes every day and death of your whole body in the end submit with every fibre of your being, and you will find eternal life. Keep back nothing. Nothing that you have not given away will be really yours. Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead. Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ and you will find Him, and with Him everything else will be thrown in." CSL

Letter from Student

I showed a student his test results and after explaining to him why he failed he wrote me this note:

"Dear Ms. Blidar,

I am so sorry for going to sleep in your class. I just be up so late getting work done that it really is hard for me to stay up. But when I don't get any sleep my head hurt and I can't focus right. But for you and every other teacher I will stay up. I will turn in my homework. I will stay focused. I will come to study hall to get extra help from you and I will ditch lunch time as well. Ms. Blidar I am so sorry that I nodded off in class alot I want to make it up to you and show you the scholar that I am. I promise you won't regret how I'm changing. My grade will go up and I will be one of your best students.

Thank you for taking time to read this."

And this is why I do what I do.

Finale!

Today is Wednesday, the middle of my last full week in Romania. Where has the time flown? I apologize for not having been on top of blogging. But nonetheless, I began this experience blogging, so I must end it with a post. J

As this season comes to an end, I’ve been asked questions such as what are my most precious memories, what I am going to take back, what have I learned… and to be honest, it’s been hard attempting to answer those questions. But I’ve been taking time to really evaluate them. I have been looking back at how the different decisions and circumstances in life led me here, and I can’t help but acknowledge that there was a reason why I was brought here. So I now ask myself, why?

The summer of 2009 when I wrote the first draft for my application I knew I wanted to include one of my favorite quotes by Desmond Tutu, “my humanity is bound up in yours, for we can only be human together.” Fulbright was an opportunity for me, and thousands of others, to leave their homes, their comfort, their loved ones, their jobs- their everything- and move in a foreign country for the purpose of research/teaching and cultural exchange. It was an opportunity for us to be placed in communities around the world so that we could be “human” with those around us. It’s easy for me to romanticize and simplify this and say, “it wasn’t a simple task, but it was worth it” and leave it at that. But I feel like that would be an injustice to what this experience has been.

So with all of that said, what are my answers to those questions? I would say the most valuable aspect of my experience has been the relationships. Be it:

-          The gentleman at the corner 24-hour minimarket I talked to every other day when I would buy my water- who didn’t believe me when I told him I was born in the States because my accent wasn’t strong enough (yup, I admit, I was pretty proud J).

-          The dedicated students who demonstrated an ardent interest in learning and excelled beyond my highest expectations. The students who expressed their desire to do something worthwhile with their lives. 

-          My church family who welcomed me into their church and homes with open arms.

-          The generous friends of friends who took time out of their day to befriend me and welcomed me into their lives.

-          The family friends who drove hours and hundreds of miles to pick me up and bring me to their home.

-          The new friends I met from other cities who hosted me when I would visit.

-          The people I would have coffee-breaks-turned-into-half-day-lunches in Unirii Square.

-          The thoughtful colleagues who took care of any work-related challenges in order to make sure I had a smooth and successful experience.

It was these experiences with the local, everyday people that I treasure most.

Of course there were challenges that at times made me feel overwhelmed. There were times when I didn’t always feel embraced and accepted. I longed for normalcy, organization, and a better understanding of the cultural context. Yes my independent self missed the convenience of a car. Or simply the convenience of being comfortable with friends whom you know have already seen you at your best and worst.  There wasn’t always a smile on my face and a skip in my step. But nonetheless, this was all eventually overshadowed by the people who made this experience worth it!

I look at life and the world around us and my heart breaks. It breaks at the injustice, at the circumstances that limit people and humanity from achieving the potential that God placed in each and everyone of us. I look at the people around me as they long to find the answer to the void in their lives. I see them struggling to achieve something great but failing since circumstances seem to always be against them. It’s easy to see these things and feel hopeless. But I then look at the fact that I had the opportunity to come back to the country my mother was a refugee from. She fled because the government at the time limited her from achieving her potential due to her religious background and other factors. Yet, here I am, decades later, teaching courses like “Human Rights” and “Religion and Politics,” in the same country she once left. This full circle story is something I deeply treasure because it illustrates the struggle mankind continues to fight for- for good, for something better, for justice, for hope.

As we go through life, it is easy to lose focus of what truly matters. So I encourage you to look at life as a whole. Who are you? Why are you where you are right now in life? What talents were you given? What are you doing with them? As I look back at the decisions I made along the years, I see how God led each step in this direction. And now that I am here, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for this opportunity. The opportunity to have been “human” amidst the communities He placed me in. The opportunity to have returned to the country of my ancestors and hopefully have been the blessing others have been for me.

It's in the Name!

I have been busy the past few weeks not only adjusting to a new culture but most importantly focusing on my classes. Besides getting to know the students in the classroom, we went to a café and spent the entire evening laughing and of course answering “is it true that in America (fill in the blank)” questions!  We also went to go see the Wall Street film. My hope is to use the “field trip” as a cultural experience and as a way to facilitate conversation on media vs. true American culture. To be honest, going to the movies here was also a cultural experience for me! Movies in Romania are quite the treat! J

In the classroom I’ve been integrating mass media and analysis through various avenues. We evaluated the biases in journalism, food and the consumer in America, and we will be learning and debating the issues debated in America today! So far it has been great seeing my students learn, analyze, and slowly develop their own opinions on different topics. I look forward to seeing them grow as students in the up and coming months!  

With all of that said, I would like to finish with a description on their first assignment.

Their first assignment was to research their names and write an “I Am” poem about themselves. The purpose was to give me the opportunity to know them better, touch on multiculturalism in the United States, and it was a good way to assess their writing.  In order to avoid the “but we are all Romanian” response, I explained to them the meaning behind the task. Since this is an American Studies course taught by an American teacher, it will have American cultural ideas intertwined. I had taken the idea from a professor at North Park who assigned his students a similar assignment. But why would a professor in America care to have his students research their names? What do names signify? I wanted to touch on America's various ethnic communities with immigrants from around the world and a name is a cultural representation. I then told them about how North Park is located in a multi-cultural neighborhood called Albany Park. I described it to them and explained how one can hear may languages, eat various foods, and interact with people from around the world. I then talked about how one can drive on streets like Devon Avenue and is able to “visit” three different countries!  Given their reactions, I think they were very intrigued! J

I really enjoyed grading this assignment. Some of the students were very creative and others had interesting stories. Something I learned was that those of the Orthodox religion would give their children, usually as the middle name, the name of a saint celebrated around the time they were born. I did not know that!

"There is beauty all around, there is still beauty to be found."

It’s already November! There is much I could fill you in on. I moved into an apartment that has a breathtaking view of the Black Sea. Actually all of the windows in the kitchen and living room face the Sea. My new home has become a place of solitude and serenity. Although there have been the normal adjustment challenges and many “I feel like I stand out like a sore thumb” moments- having a place like this to come home to has added to the many blessings this experience has brought thus far!

The sunrise I caught one morning! It was one of the most beautiful things...

Learning and Relishing

Last week was quite the experience! On Wednesday we had our Fulbright orientation with all the grantees and Fulbright-Romania employees. The Fulbright employees are some of the nicest people I ever met. They would go above and beyond to make sure we are all properly taken care of. It was good to know we have such a solid support system. Thank you, Fulbright-Romania team, for your great hospitality!

It was such a thrill to meet the rest of grantees. I felt honored to be among brilliant people of various ages, interests, academic accomplishments, etc. Several times throughout the day I had to pinch myself and ask, “am I really among all of these amazing people??” I enjoyed meeting them and getting to know them. A part of me wishes we could all be in the same city! Although I do admit, that would have made it too tempting to stay within my American comfort zone. I look forward to the Fulbright holiday party in Bucharest at the beginning of December. I can’t wait to see how everyone’s projects and semesters have unfolded. I can see great things come from my fellow colleagues!

Besides meeting all these awesome people, at the orientation we were briefed by embassy officials on what is happening in Romania today. That was very interesting! As I was listening, I had a few “oooh” and “ahhh” moments. I realized that although I might be Romanian by origin, I understand the world through “American lenses.” Those who were informing us were speaking from an American perspective and I appreciated that so much because for the first time I had a different, maybe you can even say better, understanding of the culture.

Afterwards we all attended the RAAS Conference in Constanta at Universitatea Ovidius. Professors from all over Romania, and places such as Bulgaria, Turkey, Canada, and the United States presented their research on dissent in America. The U.S. Ambassador to Romania, Mark Gitenstein, who, from what I understand is the first Romanian- American ambassador, gave a speech on the topic.

It was a wonderful opportunity to be able to interact with such a variety of people!

All of us Fulbright grantees and families at the orientation in Bucharest on Wednesday.

Thursday, at the RAAS Conference at Universitatea Ovidius with the U.S. Ambassador to Romania, Mark Gitenstein, Camille Ratcliffe, and Annie Pennel.

Here the U.S. Ambassador Mark Gitenstein is giving a speech.

Out at dinner Friday night with the Fulbrighters.

Soaking it all in- Literally and Figuratively!

Buna ziua!

It’s about time I updated from Romania, eh? J

It is Tuesday and I am now in Bucharest! So far, I have really been enjoying myself! You would think the traveling challenges of jet lag, getting accustomed to the cultural change, and not really knowing many people, would have been too much to handle in order to enjoy my time- but nope! J I've been having a blast!

In Constanta last week, I met up with an American friend and his fiance who took me around. It was so nice to be able to explore and figure out the city with them! I am the type that likes to have my directions down- so you can only imagine how relieved I was once I started learning the main bus routes and understanding the city! Next thing you know, I'll blend in like any other native!

Friday, I was able to go visit Pastor Mihai and his family in Galati. They invited me to a conference and I am so glad I accepted their offer! They were great hosts and made sure my time in Galati was pleasant. The conference was with youth from all around the southeast region of Romania. Through this conference I was able to meet friendly people from both Constanta and Galati. I am SO glad that I met these great people and I look forward to developing these friendships in the next few months!  Honestly, I could not think of a better way to have spent my first weekend in Romania! 

Today I visited as much as I could with Annie, a Fulbright ETA in Iasi. Unfortunately, the weather was not in our favor, so our time to discover the city was limited. Nonetheless, we made the most of it! First, we ate at an older (and famous, from what I hear) Romanian restaurant and then walked around the city. Although it was raining, cold, and our feet were soaking wet, we persevered enough to get to Casa Poporului. J Today increased my curiosity even more to learn more about the beauty Bucharest has to offer such as its architecture, history, museums, parks, and such. I can't wait to come back- I am hoping to make it before winter!

Tomorrow, I will be attending the Fulbright orientation here in Bucharest with the other Fulbright award recipients in Romania. Afterwards, we will all travel to Constanta where we will participate at the RAAS (Romanian Association for American Studies) conference at Universitatea Ovidius. I will be meeting the Fulbright staff I have been in contact with, representatives of the U.S. Embassy such as the ambassador, as well as professors from around Romania and the U.S. who will be presenting papers at the conference. To say I am excited is an understatement! :) 

Here is a picture of  me with the Dumitrascu family:

 I thought this was hilarious. This is a car used for student drivers and the sign translates to: "You! Pay attention! I am learning right now!"

Annie and I enjoying "papanas" (pronounced pah-pah-nash)- a delicious, Romanian dessert!

In front of the History Museum. LOVE the architecture!

In front of Casa Poporului. It is one of largest buildings in the world and it was built under Ceausescu.